How to Be Happy Single and Alone: 5 Indispensable Ways

how to be happy single and alone

You want to know how to be happy single and alone, and I want to help! This topic means a lot to me because my papaw (my hero) lived his entire adult life single and alone. I wish I could go back and ask him more about it but I do know he was someone who was very content with life. I am not suggesting you will be single and alone forever like he was, but I am suggesting that you can be very happy in the meantime.


5 Indispensable Ways to be Happy Single and Alone

1. Don’t listen to coupled people

Except me of course. I cannot stand the way coupled people act towards single people! How annoying it must be to constantly hear praise – “good for you” or empathy – “you’re special, anyone would be lucky to have you”, or even criticism – “when are you ever going to get a boyfriend/girlfriend?”.

Coupled people make it seem like in order to be normal you must have a partner – but that’s hogwash. Today people are waiting later and later to get married and half of them get divorced! Who’s to say that your not just ahead of your time?

2. Count the pro’s

The first thing I’d recommend you do, is to take a quick look at the situation from another angle. Being single does have its advantages! If only I could go back to watching my favorite shows, going anywhere without “consulting” first, and leaving the toilet seat down…

I know you made your way to this post because the cons were overwhelming, but why not give the pros column a gander? See how many good things you can think up about being single and keep those positives in mind.

If you are newly single and worried, take a deep breath and relax (I’ve been there). Life is full of phases, you just have to do your best to ride the wave you’re on.

3. Be a butterfly

A social butterfly that is. Even if you are not a very social person at least seek out opportunities to be around people. Human beings are a type of “social-animal”, like wolves and dolphins; in order for us to feel optimal biologically we need to be around other apes like us.

Maybe doing computer work at the library is enough for you (and me) or maybe you’re the type of person who needs to seek out and attend every social gathering to speak of. Just because you are alone at home doesn’t mean you have to live your life alone.

4. Get a pet

When seeking companionship my papaw went out and bought a dog. Pets have been proven to provide health benefits in studies performed with seniors whose spouses have passed away. I think of my dog Oscar as “organic happiness”. He gets juiced-up to see me when I come home, is a great snuggle buddy at night, and a constant companion.

If things feel really bad right now, here’s your excuse to run to the pet store!

5. Scream freedom

Look, you’re single, meaning you are free! Get involved in as many things that YOU like while you still can. Take up every hobby and join every club that you have time for. Do these things that make you happy to keep yourself away from isolation at home. If you are out and about doing the things you enjoy then I doubt you’ll have time to feel unhappy about being single.

In Conclusion

Being single and alone isn’t weird and doesn’t mean you can not be happy.

Related Posts:

How To Make A Friend
Where To Find Friends

Photo credit: Fox_kiyo
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About TJ Chasteen

Hi! I'm TJ the creator of How-toBeHappy.com. I believe that nothing is more important than living a life full of daily happiness. That is my mission - I help my followers (and myself) design a life that easily produces happy moments everyday.

Comments

  1. Who are you and where have you been all my life?? Mary me!!! I love you :) I wish you health, continuous happiness and a smile in your heart every day of your life, your advice is really working for me: I’m a single woman, 43 years old and I compare myself to other people and what they have and how they look. It makes me miserably upset and at times viciously mean. I have begun thinking positive and see the brighter sides of myself and my life 1 week after reading your articles. You are truly an angel here on earth. My heart is beginning to smile as well.

    Keep em coming,
    Tracy Ann :):):):):):):)

    • TJ says:

      Tracy Ann,

      Your comment is such a motivator for me! I am currently working 50+ hours a week and sometimes find it very difficult to find the energy to splash my thoughts into a well written blog post. I am super excited to hear that my work has made a difference in your life! I hope to keep making a similar difference in the future.

      -TJ

  2. Happy says:

    Hello
    Great post – very inspiring. Thank you!
    For most people, finding happiness is like a goal of life. And trying to achieve this goal makes life less simple and more complex. But I feel that the more you are looking the less chance you have finding it. Happiness is not something that can be found, happiness is something that can be felt. People should stop looking around and should start looking inside of themselves. Happiness is a feeling that is inside you and the only thing you have to do is find it. Happiness is a state of mind that is powered by your inner feelings. Find those feelings and you find happiness.
    Best regards and lots of good posts for the future.
    Ms Happy aka Mia

    • TJ says:

      Thanks Mia!

      You’re exactly right, happiness is already in us all, my mission is to help my readers find it. Just like you said, happiness is a state of mind – or in my words a perspective. Giving people a way to alternate their perspective to see the happiness that already resides within is key! I hope to hear from you in the future, you are a very wise guest!

      Warm regards,
      TJ

  3. happy now says:

    thanks man u atleast helped me a lot
    now im feeling like a free bird
    thanks a lot bro

    • TJ says:

      You’re welcome! Fly free my friend.

  4. Tracey says:

    ‘Happiness is an attitude,We either make ourselves miserable or happy and strong.The amount of work is the same’.
    Kahil Gibran Prophet..

    I find this quote a tremendous help. Single or coupled. ‘Coupled happily’ is way better than ‘single’, however ‘single’ is way better than ‘miserably coupled’.
    Life is what you make it and just smile!!!! a smile is catchy and someone will smile back..

    • TJ says:

      Well said Tracey,

      I believe if we try to put more energy into focusing on the positives in our lives – it will change that attitude to one of joy. Also making someone else happy has that awesome effect of making you feel happy in return.

      Best,
      TJ

  5. thanks ur parents for having you

  6. waheed says:

    by the time i reached the end i felt like all what i’ve read was the long version of the “good for you” empathy line, thnx for giving us a chance that we are not alone in our misery.
    I think if one really followed these advice to the letter he/she would end up as the crazy cat woman in the simpsons, don’t get me wrong; i love cats, i carry cat food in my bag often for stray cats, but to believe that one can be whole and content all by himself contradicts the basic truth about being human, the one that states that we are social apes.
    we just have to sail through our lives , content with what we have, but always keep an eye open for that special someone who would make us whole.

    • TJ says:

      Waheed,

      Being a big Simpsons fan, I appreciate your analogy! Perhaps being the cat women is the best solution for someone’s happiness in this world.

      I think you’ve got it right though, we must live everyday being grateful and unashamed of ourselves and our lives. However, being open and jumping on those opportunities to enhance individual happiness is key.

      Best,
      TJ

  7. Easton says:

    I’m asking this for help. Not trying for sympathy, so I gave a fake name to… What if you have never gotten to be in a relationship? Say for a second that you fell in love with your best friend who is a guy. Your LDS and so that goes against everything you believe in. You try to like another girl and she falls for your best friend. This is the 7th fail in a row for you. The 6 before that friend zoned you. They always say the bull crap couple stuff of “Your an amazing guy, You just gotta wait, Or you just need to date more”. But you know that your ugly. People make that apparent to you all the time and all through high school. You decide you’ll never get anything so you can at least help them be together. You set them up and they fall in love. You are the third wheel everyday of your life, but because you love them you can’t leave. You try to get away, but you feel just as horrible with them as you do without them. They both know your struggles and choose not to help at all. They get mad at you for being depressed and tell you just to get over it. I blamed myself.I told them I would never be with the two of them at the same time ever again. You try to have feeble attempts to finding new love. Still nothing works. Two years have passed and still nothing but the pain of being alone and watching two happy people. You start talking to the girl you had a small crush on to find out your best friend’s girl told her about your problem. She in fact did like you back until that moment a year ago. You go to the girl who told your secret. She straight up lies to your face. Even after all the years of her telling you that you can always trust her. You find she told more than one person. You aren’t mad at her for telling because its hard to keep secrets and you understand, but are furious at her for lying and never apologizing. No matter what you sacrifice they don’t care. You also find out that your best friend knew that she told people. You stupidly forgive him because you still love the little punk. Finally you get help through the church to “cure” yourself. You do amazing things and inspire people. You help so many because you know how it is to always be alone and struggle. But you hit a wall when things stop working out no matter how hard you try again. Say good bye to ever going to the temple and not feeling guilty in church. You believe in all the stuff, but you just can’t shake your problems. You try everything. Talk to a million different trusted people and older role models. Still nothing. You know for a fact that the only way to make it is to chose for yourself, but since the day you were born you haven’t been able to do things for yourself expect over eat and play video games. Minus I’m not fat thanks to being young but there isn’t a six pack either haha. Your parents have done nothing to help because they don’t know of your problem. But your mom is on anxiety pills already and your dad is angry all the time. You know you can’t turn to them. No one knows how I feel. No one around here has to feel what I feel. Now your friend pretends nothing ever happens and you are no longer mad. But extremely sad thinking you know you had a chance with one of the coolest girls in the world. You set her up with one of your other best friends knowing that they are perfect together. Boom. The two relationships you set up advise all the time last for 1.(3years) and the 2.(for a year now). Both still living strong. You are good at all that bull crap but no one will love you. Do you lower your standards and shoot for someone you know needs it? Know you need to be with the one you love and fight for them. You have constant dreams with him in it. And your favorite one is where both of you just lay together. Don’t have to have sex or spend money or anything but just cuddle. I’m so sick of being alone. Nothing keeps me happy. Everyday is like restarted the game over. I sit at home a lot lately with no where to go and nothing to do. Sometimes I get calls to do some fun things but that’s it. I’m taking a small break from school because my grades dropped immensely lately. Went from straight a’s to having b’s than c’s and now d’s. Summer is almost over and I get ten times worse in the winter. I just don’t want to be alone. Parents and friends are great, but everyone knows that being in a relationship is a thousand times more happy. Maybe a break in the middle from the drama is amazing and people say “being single is the best!” but in the end everyone always goes back. I do work and stuff, but I haven’t found anything that keeps me happy. Nothing seems worth trying for. I’m even in a lot of service projects that do help but not for more than how long I’m there. Help me please.

    • TJ says:

      Hi Easton,

      This commit concerns me. I think it would be best for you to email me at contact@how-tobehappy.com that way we can set up a time to Skype and talk through this problem together. Please contact me soon!

      Thank you,
      TJ

  8. Toxicity says:

    That is great advice, but alass, it does not work for me. For I am a teenager that is 4 months away from finally being called a legal adult of age 18, but I am enforced to keep my life at home by family. And the people that live around my area are scumbags, including my friends. Especially my ex who turned all, like my friends against me. While he parties all day like a scum. It’s been like this for 3 years now. Thanks for the advice though..

    • TJ says:

      Hi Toxicity,

      You are certainly welcome for the advice. Have you tried everything on this list? If you stopped thinking about your ex, could this help you move forward to a better future?

      Hoping for the best,
      TJ

  9. sunesh says:

    I am not able to get out of my break up still trying to get out of that depression its been six months now.

    • TJ says:

      Hi Sunesh,

      Break ups can be extremely taxing. I remember going through something similar after a break-up once. Trust me when I say, time will heal you, as it healed me!

      I hope you start feeling better soon,
      TJ

  10. Jules says:

    I feel silly even leaving a comment, as I have never done this before. I am 22 yrs old, just graduating college this past May. I have moved back in temporarily with my parents as I look for a real job. It’s been a hard transition, as my friends are an hour away and the job hunt is tough. I have become pretty lonely, this why I googled it and found your article. I know I have plenty of time, but it is still refreshing to hear it. Just ready to get out of this awkward phase, and start a new chapter. Thanks again!

    • TJ says:

      Hi Jules,

      I am glad this helped! I know exactly how that feels, I graduated in December and spent an entire Spring semester alone and searching for jobs. It wasn’t a good feeling by any means but the transition slowly started getting brighter day by day and I know the same will happen for you! Let me know how things turn out.

      Best,
      TJ

  11. aaliya says:

    Hey TJ,

    How are you doing?

    After reading your article, i was driven to write to you and seek advice. My situation is, that presently i am in a relationship with a guy for over a year now, he is a great guy. we love each other. we some times fight but then never give up on each other and resolve our issues n then some time later we smile happily in love again. he is not the problem. he supports me, takes care of me and does every thing that indeed a husband does. the problem is that i have no friends apart from him now. i broke up with my school friends and college friends because of some issues about cheat Ex’s. i cant go back to them neither do i want that. but then the rest of the class or my work colleagues are just superficial friends. i cant share my inner self with them. i can’t disturb my guy all the time to pamper me, he’s got his own work and he does as best as he can. but at times when he is not around, i feel lonely , sad, and at times really miss company of people i can open up to and have fun. my parents know about my guy n they are o.k. with it. but family time doesn’t help me. i miss my self. i was early a fun-loving chirpy girl and project the same when i am around people but inside m not satisfied. at times, i feel like a loner and a complicated wreck. i can’t share this with my guy because it upsets him. i have tried it all, from reading, to walking, to writing as a hobby,to facebook… but then i am still the sadistic being. i want to change this feeling and really want to be happy because i love my guy and don’t want to lose him by being a burden of an uninteresting and gloomy partner.
    hope you can help me.

    • TJ says:

      Hi Aliya,

      I am doing well, thanks for asking! :)

      I think you are on the right track. A common transition in life is to start spending more time with your partner (and eventually kids) then you do your friends. However, it is also good to find time to get away and do things with others. This type of verity in your social network will keep your leisure time interesting and help keep you from smothering your partner. You mentioned trying reading, writing, Facebook, and walking (solo?). While all of those hobbies are great, I would recommend trying something that gets you involved with groups of people face-to-face – who share similar interests. This way you have a better chance of finding a friend who shares your joys/passions rather than the friends who share similar work histories (which can result in poor conversation pieces).

      I wrote a couple of post on finding friends a while back, I invite you to read them and hope they help. Let me know how things go for you!

      How To Make A Friend

      Where to Find Friends

      Best,
      TJ

  12. Christy Fakename says:

    Thank you for the post. I’m going through a low period. Harrassment from an ex, blah blah blah. I wish more people could focus on what makes them happy. Zombies, Dean Koontz, Daft Punk, being a cat owner, beers and ciggys are doing it for me right now. It’s just a matter of dealing with the daily enui that gets a bit hard. Everyone wants to be loved, that’s a given. How can I do more to make the world a better place? That’s what eats me up inside. A feeling of not doing enough. Any advice?

    • TJ says:

      Hi Christy,

      Good Zombie reference, that seems to be a huge fad these days!

      I think to be happy – people need to carve time for themselves to pursue their favorite leisure activities while not at work. Otherwise what’s the point of life? To work?

      To make the world a better place you could focus on tackling it through your career. Are you satisfied with your job right now? Does it feel like “worthy work?” – something that is truly making a benefit to humanity? My girlfriend struggles with this a lot, always wanting to give back. The funny thing is that she is already a public school teacher!

      You could do more to help people you care about or find volunteer work that you enjoy (volunteering also helps many find happiness). Heck if you really want you could help me with this blog! :) It’s my current means of trying to make the world a better place.

      Whatever you try, let me know about it!

      Thanks for the comment,
      TJ

  13. MR.balu says:

    This s a great article…! I have been following ur site for sometime…! Thank u… :) :) keep it up…!
    I The only sad thing in ma life is i cant speak openly to anyone… perhaps shyness or i tend to think what would people think about my speech… Really disgusting…! Sometimes i feel ashamed of myself why i would not be able to speak boldly to anyone…! it just messes up many opportunities… wonder what could be the exact reason…! So if u give some tips how to get rid this shit shyness… please….! In spite of all these i’M keeping myself happy as much as i can by following ur articles…Thank u…

    • TJ says:

      Mr. Balu,

      Don’t be so hard on yourself! Interpersonal communication has been one of the most difficult skills to nail down for myself as well. It just takes time and practice and eventually you’ll feel comfortable chatting with people you barely know.

      I started by making an effort to say hello or break the ice with random people I cross daily, then to always avoid awkward silences when around anyone! Just by consistently maintaining work where I must communicate with coworkers, administration, and customers – I have been able to keep my social skills at a comfortable level.

      I hope this helps, let me know!

      Best,
      TJ

  14. Sarah says:

    Thankyouu for this comment ! It made me really believe that there are other people like me that are getting over a break up and I’m not the only one that feels lonely! I am still missin my ex over 3 years I have moved on but he is the one guy that will always be on my mind! We are now friends which is pretty much what I want !
    The one thing is all my friends have boyfriends and I’m known for the girl that’s single I got out of a relationship 2 moths ago but I always feel like I loser and like I have nothing going for me . I just want to learn how to be happy being single I read article after article after article reading the same stuff over again! Your article helped the most!

    • TJ says:

      Hi Sarah,

      I am glad this has helped. True love is not something you can force, it works on its own time. If friends is all you really want with your ex, yet you are missing him – have you really moved on? I just want to make sure that this isn’t something that is hindering your mobility for the future.

      I know things will turn out for you – let me know when they do (patience is a virtue).

      Best,
      TJ

  15. Jojo says:

    Thank you for making this website…I’ve been feeling so lonely for so long, especially since a friend I was falling in love with decided to move on two years ago! I miss him everyday yet I know things would have never lasted. I dated two other people after that and those relationships ended with being dumped by both as well. Friends I thought I had are no longer around and I recently had hip surgery and that has drained me not only physically but mentally and emotionally. I’m only 28 years old and I feel like I’m not needed, wanted and terribly alone.

    I want to be happy but I don’t know how if all I feel is sadness. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I might be alone for the rest of my life but I need to learn to be happy alone. During my research I came across your website and it cheered me up, so thank you!

    • TJ says:

      Hi Jojo,

      All I have to say is that the cheerfulness you feel is a two way street. I now feel cheerful knowing the time I took to write this post was more than worth it – because of the positive influence it had on you!

      Sometimes you will face phases of unhappiness during life, but if it weren’t for those experiences it would be hard to appreciate the times in the future when things are going right.

      With your mindset, I think you will have no problem in living a fulfilling life!

      Best,
      TJ

      • Jojo says:

        Thank you for reading my post first off! I totally appreciate all that you had to say and it means a lot. Thank you once more!

  16. LeftaloneinDC says:

    Thank you for this… It’s the first time I’ve ever googled anything like “how to be happy alone.” I’ve always been happy, and single for the past 6 years.

    However, this Spring, I finally replied someone who had persistently sought my attention on facebook, which turned pretty fast into late night conversations, skype, and everything. We are both gay, and both from a small country far away, and both American, which was a sign for me that I’ve finally found someone to be with, and someone who understands me on all cultural levels, American and native. We flew together to our home country for a big festival, and I introduced him to my family and mom as my future long term partner.

    That’s when things started to fall apart. First, there were unsafe indiscretions, then mood swings, unapologetic behavior that made me say things, fly of the hook, I felt like I wasn’t heard, or understood. In an instant, I went from happy to miserable, and didn’t even notice. I fought, and fought hard to salvage everything, however, it ended grotesquely (like many of these things end), with his ex being invited from another town for a “visit.” And he came with a friend. You can probably guess the rest. I left in the middle of the night when the visit turned out to be not so friendly.

    My question is, how do people get over the sense of betrayal? How does one trust someone again? How do I cope with the fact that I tried to communicate so much, and so often, flew across the continent for a day or a night just to be with someone? More importantly, how do I survive the fact that he is happy to be rid of me (calls his friends and calls me crazy), and I am hurt, and thinking about what ifs? Thank you.

    • TJ says:

      You’re welcome, I hope this has helped!

    • sumith says:

      Hi, I read your full story and I think its all lot of things and laws which can cause certain situations. But as I understand these things happen to almost every person! they get cheated, feel discouraged and given empty promises and its tough deal and I too faced all this but I got over it in lke a week because I love myself and understood that it is the most important thing. we never feel alone if we learn to love our real selves. There is too much that I can tell but let me know if you need some help mate. Have a good day

      • Thanks for your advice. Good day to you as well.

        • Jan says:

          Betrayal and a break in trust can shatter a persons life. I know its happening to me repeatably time and time again over the last year and a half. I still keep getting up out of bed in the morning and crawling back in to it at night but I feel its a blur during the day. That I am in a bubble completely switched off from the world. I really am starting to think someone has tattoo’d a mark on my face that says, use abuse misuse and dump when your through.
          I cant get over that feeling and staying alone is best for me in my circumstance.
          I hope you find somthing that works for you and one day love

  17. wes says:

    Yeah well those steps seem to temporarly work but Im totally sick of being alone but I cant find anyone who actually likes me and I like them for the right reasons. Im sick to my stomach some days just wondering if I can find the one for me.

    • TJ says:

      Hang in there Wes! Things like this work on their own time.

  18. Melissa says:

    Hey there,
    I loved reading what you wrote here! Thank you! At times I panic and cry a lot as i travel around the U.S. for my job as a comedian. I travel alone due to plane costs and get quite depressed not talking to anyone. I also think it’s impossible to meet anyone when i travel so often.
    I am also missin a guy i dated for a year and i am in love with him but he never wanted to be in a relationship with me.
    I put myself in a bad spot and want to date but more importantly get over that asshole and be happy and continue working on my career.

    Melissa

    • TJ says:

      Hi and thanks Melissa,

      I admire the fact that you are pursuing your dream of being a comedian. I think you are right on with the first step, it is time to move forward and forget the jerk from the past. On a positive note, I met my girlfriend of four years at a layover in Boston!

      Keep working on being happy, it’ll catch up with you soon.

      Best,
      TJ

  19. Sandy says:

    Thanks for the great advice!!! I have been by myself for 3 years now. I had come to conclusion that I will probably be by myself for the rest of my life. For the most part,i am o.k with that,because I know that God has a bigger purpose for my life. But on some days like today,I find myself sad,full of self- doubt,and wishing I had someone to hold me,and tell me I am beautiful. I am so glad that I happened to run across this website:(

  20. Laadeeedaaa says:

    My names Sanny, thankyou for what you wrote, but what if like, im still not happy? I love this guy so much, and he loves me but we dont see each other because we dont live close, we live quite far away, hence we dont get to talk much…its complicated. i want to be happy, but I cant do it, i dont think i ever will be, i cry everynight, then i think hes fine, but i dont know what hes thinking in his head, he has family around him to comfort him but i dont, hes always going out, i dont, ): hes so perfect…im not…what shall i do?

  21. Cam says:

    I can’t seem to shake this break up I have humiliated myself by begging for him bank several times now my self Esteem is shattered

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